I cant exactly remember why I drew this as a Kid.
I was around 13 or 14 at the time, and Sadly maybe a bit of a poser in the eyes of the skaters at school. I think it was all that Saxophone playing. These Goths and Punks Crawled out of the Mall so they had never learned of Romeo Void or X-ray Specs….I mean neither did I. BUUUT, Put some respect on the Saxophone you guys.
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I Listened to the Gayer more Feminist Numetal (lol) at the time, Orgy, A Perfect Circle and of course Korn. Lets Respect the Juggalette feminist contigenet had not yet formed so all the Juggalos(who found community with the Goths/Skaters and Punks) where Naturally obsessed with ICP and other more Masculine and embarrassing forms of metal like Slipnot…Ew. Either Way I felt some a sort of magnetism to the antiestablishment ethos of the skaters and I think of this drawing as an attempt to combat the vehemently uptight and Christian malaise that Ugly Ass Clovis, CA Embraced with the Milquetoast fervor of our Current Political Hellscape (2025). The Skaters where mean to me, but at least they Hated the Christian Fascism in the Valley as much as I did.
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Spawn (1997) Directed by Mark A.Z. Dippé introduced to me the Supervillian known as The Violator, Whos Daytime Drag Look Was Called The Clown. Originally created by Todd McFarlane as a main antogonist within…yes the Spawn Comics.
I never read Spawn and Literally do not remember anything about the film except Spawns’ Muscles and The Violator.
I through whatever kind of magnetism I had towards this Horned Devil, owned a Hard Plastic Figurine of the Violator, who became the Muse for this Drawing. His Distorted insect-like Form perhaps comforted me in my own spiraling body dysmorphia that came along with the puberty I didn’t want and the general self hatred a young person learns to feel about their mutating body.
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Korn the band (prior to their coffee ventures) formed in 1993 in Bakerfield CA, in the vacuous hell of Kern county Where I Six years earlier was birthed onto planet earth. It is no Secret to those of us who grew up in the Central Valley that Beautiful, Amazing and Creative people come out of that harsh environment (Hello the Aforementioned Romeo Void). Korn would prove to be very inspiring to my young artistic mind, I remember drawing in class with other Korn Listeners as we chatted about the album art for “Follow the Leader” drawn by Todd McFarlane Entertainment(McFarlane, Greg Capullo,Brian Haberlin). Oh… the Spawn Guy.
I feel like as a young person I never could really understand lyrics in totality, I just wanted to feel music mostly, I think that’s why I loved playing in school band so much, you get to feel all those reverberations. So I felt connected sonically to a lot of Harsh Music at the time, though I didn’t have the budget or thieving skills to reflect it in my daily costume , No “Cant Sleep The Clowns Will Eat Me” T-Shirt for little Craig.
I was recently Having Dinner with Friends and we landed on the subject of Numetal, and we where commenting about how significantly more radical and feminist it feels in retrospect to some other rock genres of the time, I think we talked about Interpol as creepy guy rock(though I listen to them too xD). While writing this little blurb I watched the Video for “Falling Away From Me” and Felt emotional and taken aback seeing this young sort of queer looking femme person escape Domestic Violence through the collective rallying of other young folks. The Encouragement to Liberate the self, not through peer pressure but collective defiance is a running theme in some of Korns Videos.
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This is one of a handful of drawings I have saved from my teen years, a small collection of goth pen and pencil drawings accompanied by a myriad of poorly scrawled anime characters who honestly reflect a lot of how I felt around my body, and my closeted Queerness. I wrote this little set of blurbs while I looked at the drawing That I randomly pulled from a folder of pictures to start this Section of my website as I move away from Social Media . <3
-CC
3-3-2025